💘 Am I Too Much or Not Enough? How Group Therapy Helps You Date Without Losing Yourself
By Emily MacNiven, LPC, Founder of The Red Door Therapy & Wellness Solutions
This isn’t a blog about dating tips. It’s a lifeline for anyone who feels like dating has become a performance—where every text is rewritten three times, every silence is deafening, and every part of you is on alert to make sure you’re not “too much” or “not enough.”
If that’s you, you’re not broken. You’re responding to a nervous system trained to see closeness as both deeply desired and quietly dangerous. At The Red Door, we believe that relational healing doesn’t start on the apps—it starts in community. Group therapy can help you unhook from the belief that you have to earn connection, and begin practicing a new story: that you’re allowed to be real, and still be loved.
• 🌀 Discover the anxious roles you play in dating to avoid rejection
• 🌱 Grow by exploring how safe group connection rewires those patterns
• 🔗 Integrate with reflection prompts to guide you toward authenticity, not performance
Read this if…
You spend hours overthinking texts and conversations.
You fear being too needy, too quiet, too emotional, or just too much.
You shut down or self-abandon when you start to like someone.
You’ve done the work, but dating still feels like emotional exposure.
🌀 What Dating Feels Like When You Have RSD
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) doesn’t just make dating difficult—it can make it feel unbearable.
You may:
Feel an adrenaline spike every time a message is left on read
Apologize for having feelings or needs
Shape-shift to match what you think the other person wants
Withdraw completely when you sense the slightest shift in tone
All of this creates chronic tension: like holding your breath emotionally while smiling on the outside. It lives in your body—your neck, shoulders, jaw—and it keeps you scanning for signs that you’ve done something wrong. It’s like walking into every interaction wearing emotional armor that gets heavier each time you try to connect. You leave conversations drained, not because you don't care—but because you cared so much and tried so hard to be 'right.'
Your nervous system isn’t malfunctioning—it’s trying to protect you.
But when the price of connection is constant performance, it’s no wonder dating leaves you depleted.
The good news? You don’t have to keep dating from survival mode. You can practice something new.
🌱 Why Group Therapy Is the Rehearsal Space You Didn’t Know You Needed
Group therapy gives you what anxious dating never does: time, space, and safety.
In group, you can:
Practice saying what’s real—without being rejected or judged
Notice your patterns (fawning, bracing, masking) as they happen in real time
Witness others show up messy, and still be accepted
Learn that discomfort in connection doesn’t mean danger
You don’t have to rehearse every word. You don’t have to manage everyone’s emotions. You get to try on new ways of being—quietly, safely, with people who understand.
At The Red Door, our groups are built to support this kind of repair:
Clear structure so your system knows what to expect
No forced sharing—opt in at your own pace
Facilitators who understand RSD and relational trauma
A rhythm that prioritizes safety, not urgency
This isn’t about dating better—it’s about being more you in every relationship.
Group therapy becomes the place where your nervous system learns:
“I don’t have to edit myself to be lovable.”
🔗 A Small Step You Can Try Today
Think about a time when you felt most anxious in dating.
– What were you trying to manage or control?
– What were you afraid might happen if you didn’t?
– What values were buried underneath that anxiety—authenticity, connection, respect?
Then pause.
Notice what happens in your body when you reflect on that moment.
– Are you bracing? Holding your breath? Tensing your shoulders?
– Can you offer your body a cue of safety—a deeper breath, a hand on your chest, a loosening of your jaw?
Now try this:
Take a 10-minute walk (or sit quietly) and imagine a future version of you dating without bracing.
What changes in your body? Your voice? Your presence?
What kind of support would help you move toward that version of you?
ACT teaches us that values are chosen, not earned. Let your next step come from the version of you that’s tired of masking and ready to meet dating with self-trust.
This is what group therapy helps you practice: not just talking about connection—but feeling safe enough to have it.
What kind of support would help you move toward that version of you?
You don’t have to be fearless to start dating differently.
You just need a space that helps you stop abandoning yourself for connection.
At The Red Door, we offer:
An RSD Support Group for anxious daters ready to feel less alone
A space to practice authenticity—not perfection
Because you’re not too much. You’re not not enough.
You’re just tired of pretending to be okay.
And we’d love to help you come back to who you really are—in connection.