🧠 I Can Hold It Together at School—So Why Is Everything Else Falling Apart?
By Emily MacNiven, LPC, Founder of The Red Door Therapy & Wellness Solutions
This isn’t a blog about how to plan better or try harder. It’s a lifeline for teachers who feel like they’re killing it in the classroom—but falling apart everywhere else. If you can manage 28 students with grace but can’t remember to pay your bills, you’re not lazy, broken, or failing.
At The Red Door, we know that masking, overfunctioning, and executive dysfunction are exhausting—and common—for teachers with ADHD. Group therapy offers something your calendar can’t: a space to stop performing and start breathing.
• 🌀 Discover why you’re thriving in school but struggling at home
• 🌱 Grow by exploring how structure, compassion, and connection shift the pattern
• 🔗 Integrate with reflection prompts and micro-shifts designed for your actual brain
Read this if…
You feel like two different people between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m.
You can lead a classroom but can’t keep your house clean
You’re burnt out, dysregulated, and tired of feeling like a mess
You wish someone would just get it, without making you explain everything
🌀 Why You Can Hold It Together at School (and Still Fall Apart at Home)
Let’s name it: you’re not a mess. You’re a high-functioning person in a world that doesn’t support your wiring.
School provides built-in structure: bells, routines, visual schedules, external accountability. At home, it’s all on you. And that transition—from highly structured to unstructured—often becomes the collapse zone.
Maybe you:
Hyperfocus at work, then freeze when faced with “simple” tasks at home
Mask emotional dysregulation until the day ends—then fall apart in private
Hold it together for your students, but lose patience with your partner or kids
You’re not weak. You’re overstimulated. And the tension in your neck, jaw, or shoulders? That’s not random—it’s the physical toll of bracing all day.
It’s like holding your breath from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. and then gasping for air the moment you get home. Your nervous system has been performing a full-day marathon, even if no one sees it.
You’ve adapted to meet everyone’s needs with precision. But no one sees the cost. And that inconsistency? That’s not a moral failure. That’s an executive functioning mismatch.
🌱 What Group Therapy Offers That the Classroom Can’t
You don’t need another planner. You need a place where you don’t have to pretend.
At The Red Door, our ADHD teacher groups are designed for nervous system relief—not performance:
You get to talk without explaining your entire brain first
You hear others say “me too” and something in your shoulders loosens
You laugh about things you used to cry about
You learn real strategies—from people who live them, not just teach them
We blend:
Structure that mimics the systems that work for you at school
Self-compassion that helps you stop spiraling when you miss a step
Values-based action (thanks, ACT!) so you can move toward what matters—without needing a perfect routine
Group therapy becomes the one place you don’t have to hold it all together.
And that shift? It helps everything else start to shift, too.
🔗 A Small Step You Can Try Today
Try this two-column reflection:
At School I….
Have a schedule
Feel clear and capable
Respond calmly to chaos
Meet deadlines
At Home I…
Can’t figure out what to do next
Feel foggy and overwhelmed
Snap at the people I love most
Avoid basic tasks.
Now pause. Name three things that help you function at school (e.g., external structure, clear expectations, movement breaks). Ask:
How could I bring one of those supports into my after-school life?
Then go one step further:
– What emotion shows up when I “fail” at home—shame, guilt, grief?
– What part of me believes I should be doing better?
– What does my body do when that voice gets loud? (Do I tense? Do I shut down? Do I get snappy?)
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing it the only way your body knows how—until it learns something gentler.
Try placing a hand on your chest, shoulders, or the back of your neck and saying:
“I’ve been carrying too much without help. I deserve a system that helps me breathe.”*
Then offer yourself this reminder:
“Holding it together all day isn’t a flex—it’s a red flag from your nervous system.”
You don’t need more willpower. You need more support.
At The Red Door, we offer:
ADHD Teacher Groups to normalize your experience and share tools that work
A place to stop bracing and start breathing
You’re not broken. You’re burned out.
And you don’t have to figure it out alone.